What have you most regretted losing?
I've lost so much in my life, you'd think that would be a hard question; if only because I have more choice than a Pak'ma'ra garbage bin. But really, it isn't. It's only difficult because - oh, hell. Mama, Ganya, my father... even Malcolm, because I did love him once before he showed his true colours. My freedom, the ability to just be normal, as normal as I try to seem.

All those people, all the innocence I've lost in my life, it was all taken from me - without my consent and against my will, no matter how I tried to hold onto it. But the thing I regret losing the most? I regret that most of all because I let it go.

I let her go.

Stood there and watched the ship that carried her away from me... damn it, I even gave them clearance to depart myself, with my own voice, from my own console, when I could have stopped it with a single word and kept her here and tried... God, I should have tried to find some way to help her.

And the worst part?

I knew every second what I was doing. I thought up a dozen ways to convince the Captain and Garibaldi, a dozen ways to hide her and even more to try and reverse what those bastards did to her mind. And still I let her go.

I don't think I've ever felt as guilty as I did that night.

Come to think on it, I don't think I've ever been quite as drunk, either.

Muse: Susan Ivanova
Fandom:: Babylon 5</i>